The problem of alcoholism in families is very common in many countries. According to statistics, one in three women is faced with her husband's alcoholism; it turns out that there is an alcoholic in 30% of our families - this figure is scary. At the same time, the husband's alcohol abuse has a detrimental effect on the entire family, and a large number of such families are already becoming a social problem. Families where a man drinks are more likely to be socially disadvantaged, and the children in these families suffer. Let's try to figure out why my husband drinks and what to do about it.
The main reasons why a husband starts drinking
First of all, it is worth distinguishing between everyday drunkenness and alcoholism. The first is drinking alcohol for pleasure and the second is addiction. However, when drinking for pleasure, a man who drinks has a high chance of becoming an alcoholic over time. The reasons why a husband starts drinking are:
- Entertainment. Many people start drinking alcohol at parties, in company, to get in a good mood. A beer at a picnic in the summer, a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve or one or two cocktails in a bar on the weekend – it would seem that there is nothing wrong with that.
- Traditions. Men in our country grow up in a culture of constant drinking: it is customary to drink on vacation, if something important happens, the first thing to do is to get drunk, and people incompany are wary of a person who doesn't drink. .
- Communication. Drinking helps you join the team, relax and feel more confident. Many men find it difficult to meet a girl without alcohol and thus overcome their shyness.
- Stress. In the post-Soviet space, it is not customary to go to a psychologist, and culture imposes on a man the image of a brutal, masculine man who does not have psychological problems and does not share hisexperiences. Men are often emotional and sensitive, but are forced to hide their feelings and drinking becomes the only way to cope with stress. This is a common reason for the appearance and development of alcoholism.
How to understand that your husband has become an alcoholic - the main signs
Many men drink alcohol from time to time, for example during vacations. Sometimes they cross the line. When should you start worrying? This question is often asked to psychologists by the wives of these men. Only a doctor can make a diagnosis of alcoholism. There are warning signs, when they appear, it is time to act.
Regular use
If a man drinks not occasionally, but often and regularly, for example, on weekends, this is already a cause for concern. If your husband drinks every day, even a little, it's a sign of addiction. It is also important to know what drinks he drinks and in what quantities. Two liters of beer every night is a lot.
Alcohol Tolerance and Withdrawal Symptoms
Alcohol is toxic to the body. The first cases of use lead to severe poisoning, dizziness, nausea and vomiting. People call this "not knowing how to drink. "Over time, tolerance, that is, resistance to alcohol, increases and a man can drink more. This is how withdrawal symptoms appear, or a hangover - feeling unwell the next morning. In the later stages of alcoholism, alcohol tolerance decreases again - to get drunk, a small amount of alcohol is enough, literally "sniffing the cork". And the withdrawal syndrome becomes pronounced and painful, there is a strong craving for alcohol and a desire to have a hangover - drink a little to relieve the pain. The hangover habit becomes a kind of transition point, after which severe alcoholism can develop.
The appearance of binge eating
Binge drinking is the continuous consumption of alcohol over several days (3 or more). At the same time, the drinking husband enters a special cycle of drinking: every morning he feels bad, has a hangover, then drinks during the day and becomes very drunk again, and the next morning hefeels bad again and everything repeats itself. With prolonged consumption of alcohol, mental disorders appear, for example, alcoholic delirium - "delirium tremens", a state of impaired consciousness, accompanied by severe agitation, anxiety, fear oraggression and hallucinations.
Personality changes
Regular drunkenness leads to progressive personal changes, invisible to those close to you, but addiction specialists are well aware of this. These changes include:
- Increased irritability and difficulty controlling anger;
- Weakening of will, inability to resist urges;
- Guilt, guilt and loss of self-esteem;
- Inability to take responsibility for one’s actions;
- Lying to loved ones and self-deception.
Over time, an alcoholic man turns into a kind of adult child: he is not responsible for anything, cannot control his actions, it is impossible to rely on him - after all, at any moment he cangetting drunk, forgetting agreements, spending money or even showing aggression towards loved ones: In this case it becomes dangerous. A sober alcoholic repents of his drunken actions and experiences strong feelings of guilt, anger at himself, or frustration, leading him to drink alcohol again to distract himself from these negative emotions. He understands that something serious is happening, but he can't do anything. Wives of drug-addicted husbands often say about them, "He’s so good when he’s sober, but when he’s drinking, he’s a different person. "
Social consequences
Usually, those close to a drinking man hide his addiction from others until the last moment. But there comes a time when it already becomes difficult. The alcoholic misses work or makes serious mistakes that result in being fired. While intoxicated, he can commit various offenses or injure himself. A person who drinks regularly gradually loses control of himself and becomes very unpleasant: his friends and even relatives turn away from him. Little by little, those around him begin to avoid him and his entire social circle is limited to other alcoholics. If this happens, it is very difficult to get out of such a vicious circle.
Mistakes Women Often Make With a Drinking Husband
Psychologists refer to wives of drinking husbands as "codependent. "This term refers to relatives of drug addicts who are in close contact with them and whose psyche also inevitably changes. Their behavior changes in such a way that, even against their will, it contributes to the development of alcoholism. Here are the main mistakes made by wives of alcoholics:
- Accusations. Of course, the behavior of a drunk man and its consequences do not please their wives. They try to influence their husbands - they scold, nag, appeal to their conscience. Thus, they only maintain the feeling of guilt – one of the main causes of alcoholism.
- Attempts to hide the problem from others. Very often a woman covers her husband in front of loved ones, makes excuses for her superiors and solves all problems herself. Or insist he drinks at home, locked up - it's safer.
- Supporting the lifestyle of a drug addict: the wife scolds her husband, but can help him "get healthy" after a hangover, gives him money for drinking, looks for him among his alcoholic friends and himbrings home. Sometimes she drinks with him - with the idea that he would drink less.
- Pity for the husband and faith in his promises to stop drinking: they are never kept.
- Ignoring the problem: Because the husband is good when he doesn't drink, the wife resignedly tolerates his drunken behavior.
Often in codependent families we can observe a situation in which a wife seems to be struggling with her husband's alcoholism - she shames him, tolerates him, gives him ultimatums, deprives him of money or sex and triggersscandals. But at the same time, all his attempts have no effect: the husband only drinks more and more, and the wife has more trouble. But she receives a lot of sympathy from acquaintances who are aware of the situation. Compared to her husband and those around her, such a woman looks like a great martyr: people sympathize with her and sympathize with her. She uses her husband's alcoholism to justify her own problems and failures.
What to do if your husband drinks every day - advice from psychologists and narcologists
If your husband drinks, the worst solution is to put up with the problem, "bear your cross" and do nothing. Of course, a woman can always file for divorce and leave. In addition, a drunkard husband often brings more problems to the family than help, resources and money. But you can try to get rid of the addiction and save your family. Everyone close to an alcoholic must be patient: it will be difficult.
- The most important thing is to eliminate alcohol from family life. Completely and forever. Remember, there are no ex-alcoholics. To avoid provoking, never leave alcohol in your home again.
- Most likely, the husband will not admit the problem and will only show a desire to be treated at the last minute. Sometimes, after a frightening or painful experience, a drinker wants to quit, but their resolve wanes – until the next time. Narcologists can help you – clean the blood of toxins, relieve a serious physical condition, improve your well-being with the help of medications. Next, a psychotherapist should work with the addict, because psychological dependence is more difficult to overcome than physical dependence.
- It is important to establish contact. Talk to your husband, find out why he drinks. But you don't need to become a psychologist for your husband. It is better to entrust mental problems to a specialist.
- Change your environment. Any alcoholic friends who drag the recovering person back into their swamp should be cut out of your life.
- Don't take everything on yourself. Don't give your husband money, don't hide his problems in front of your loved ones. Remember that you are human too. Take care of yourself, your life should not be built around a family problem.
- Don't shame a man or feel sorry for him. If you see that he is trying to get by, you can help him and support him in all his good endeavors. But be categorical if he takes the bottle again.
Remember that it is difficult to solve the problem of alcoholism in the family on your own. Seek help: from narcologists, psychologists, support groups.
Traditional methods of treating alcoholism
All treatment methods can be divided into medicinal and psychotherapeutic.
Using medications, doctors can:
- Relieve hangovers;
- Improve well-being, support the functioning of internal organs;
- Cleansing the blood of toxic substances - alcohol breakdown products;
- Reduce the urge to consume alcohol - this is called replacement therapy.
Psychotherapy methods help reduce psychological dependence. These include:
- Coding: the doctor asks the addict not to drink, otherwise something bad will happen to him. Previously, the method of coding drugs was also popular: a special capsule was sewn under the skin of an alcoholic, which, when alcohol entered the bloodstream, released poison, leading to the death of the patient.
- Classic hypnosis: the psychotherapist gives instructions not to drink or desire alcohol. This method is similar to coding, but it is somewhat gentler, since it does not imply an imminent threat to health or life if used.
- NLP, or neurolinguistic programming: the specialist uses the patient's channels of perception – auditory, visual and tactile – to reinforce the desired reactions and reduce the desire for alcohol.
- Complex therapy (psychoanalysis, CBT, Gestalt approach): a psychotherapist analyzes in depth the psychological problems of the addict and indicates ways to solve them, helps to learn new behaviors.
Alternative medicine
Non-traditional methods of treating alcoholism include herbal remedies that cause a strong reaction in the body when used with alcohol. For example, manure mushroom, tasty and harmless, even with a small dose of alcohol, causes severe nausea, vomiting, fever and palpitations. With prolonged use, the active substances of the fungus accumulate in the body and are not completely eliminated, causing a characteristic reaction with each use of alcohol. This method has long been used in villages to cure alcoholics of their addiction.
To relieve the painful condition of alcohol poisoning, folk remedies are also used: a decoction of mint and lemon balm, St. John's wort, bay leaf, apple cider vinegar, honey, a mixture of cabbage and pomegranate juice.
All sorts of conspiracies and slander regarding water "so that the husband does not drink", prayers, reprimands against drunkenness are also used - these methods are popular among the population, but their effectiveness has not beenproven.
Is it possible to force your husband to stop drinking without his consent?
Some wives, seeing that their husband is not going to stop drinking alcohol, try to wean him from this bad habit themselves without his knowledge. For example, they add certain medications to food and drinks. It is quite dangerous and doctors do not recommend doing it.
To quit drinking, an addict must want it himself, realizing that alcoholism destroys his health, relationships and life. But that doesn't happen often. Addiction changes the psyche in such a way that the alcoholic strives to never stop drinking.
However, there are things that the wife of an alcoholic can start doing at any time to get her husband to stop drinking, and that is entirely up to her. She must realize her position as a victim and change her way of thinking. Start changing what you don't like in life, don't tolerate what you don't like, respect yourself. Do not solve other people's problems, do not take responsibility for another adult. It is important to remember that alcoholism is not a disease, but a harmful addiction that destroys life and family. In order to change yourself and start thinking more about yourself, you may need long-term work with a psychologist.
How do you know when it's time to seek help from a narcologist?
There are several characteristic signs by which one can say with certainty that the addiction has gone too far and cannot be overcome without professional help. These include:
- Frequent and regular use with a painful hangover;
- Lack of control over the amount of alcohol (once a man starts drinking, he cannot stop);
- Drinking alone at home (drinking quietly at home can later lead to serious alcoholism);
- Lies and hidden bottles of alcohol (husband tries to hide drinking from wife);
- Drinking binges lasting several days from which the drunkard can no longer recover on his own.
All these signs indicate the development of a dangerous stage of alcoholism, when the addict needs urgent professional help. Relatives of an alcoholic should send him for treatment, otherwise his addiction will quickly develop with the most serious consequences, even death. There is no need to endanger the life and health of all family members, it is better to consult a doctor as soon as possible.